How Delightful it would be
by Jervis Tetch Madness
Summary: Alice visited the Mad Hatter, was it a mistake? Alice x Hatter. !Oneshot! Nonsence, and Macarbe Tea partys. It never gets old.


**Warning! Characters do not belong to me. I made no money from these characters, and do not claim them.**

Alice pulled at her arms violently, trying to release them of her constraints. The rusted chains that bound her to the steel beautifully designed chair were beginning to turn her skin a slight pinkish color, till it started rubbing them raw. Her face was twisted into a hateful snarl, Deep green eyes narrowed at the Crazed man, or whatever he was, sitting across from her, sipping his at his Tea.

She looked down at herself. She didn't remember dressing in this attire, it was the Steamdress she wore the last time they met in Wonderland, it wasn't to her taste, but apparently it was to his. Moving her legs, trying to force herself free, she hated this, the feeling of being trapped. Her perfectly straight long black hair moved liked silk in the wind, as she shook her head violently.

"Release me!" She demanded, her rich English accent, was spat out like venom. Jerking her body forward, causing herself great discomfort in her thin arms and legs. She would not give up, not for the pleasure of this mad man. She lowered her glare down to the Tea that sat in front of her, now cold, Untouched. The Design engraved on the piece of fine dining wear, was simply lovely, though she got bored of admiring it a bit earlier.

"Now, now Alice, Pushing and pulling lead to heart burn! And I will have none of it!" The tall creature extended his finger accusingly at the female. "Now what were we discussing again?" He turned his green disfigured head toward his two dead companions. The March Hare and Dormouse were strapped in the chairs next to the mad man. Going on his opposite sides of the table, they were strapped in with barbed wire to keep them from falling out of their seats, '_so improper to sleep during tea time.' _The man would often say when they slouched. The wire cut into their rotting bodies, letting cold blood drip onto the surface of the table and drenching there cloths, as well as their chairs.

The Mad Hatter had set their own cups of tea in front of them, untouched like her own. He couldn't get rid of the illusion that they were still 'alive' and 'well,' It was sad truly how much he missed them. "Oh that's right! Oh but I broke my tea tray a month later, When will it happen? Do you purpose we take a vote?" Slamming his fist against the table, he turned his attention to the struggling girl once again. "Alice! When did the tea tray break?" He didn't wait for a response. "It hasn't happened yet! I must know when to fix it! Maybe if I fix it now, it wouldn't break later, yes?" He looked down at the March Hare. "Splendid idea old chaps! But first we finish our tea.." Looking in his cup, he noticed it was empty. "Blast it all! Who drank my tea? Was it you!?" He glare at Alice, a glare of his own grew onto his features.

"Rudeness will not be tolerated at my tea party! Drink your own!" He stood up on his lanky legs, planting both of his fists on his sides, in the resemblance of an angry mother.

"I didn't drink your _bloody_ tea!" Alice countered. "As you can perfectly see I can't even drink my own!" She motioned to her cup with the tilt of her head. He shook his hand above his head idly, as if what she said didn't matter. Sitting back down in his chair, the loose straightjacket that hung on his this frame, moved coherently with his body when he sat, grabbing his cup in the process. "Nonsense, child." He smirked at her, his overbite seemingly bigger when he does this. "You've been able to move this entire time, you're just too stupid." He sipped at his cup.

Alice gave him a dirty confused glare. "What is it you're going on ab.." she looked down at her hands. They were freed. "..out." she finished, looking at them curiously. "Curiouser and Curiouser.." Setting them down to her sides, she cocked a brow in his direction. "How did you do it?" She asked

"Do what?" He questioned, raising a brow of his own.

"This." She raised her arms up, showing him that they were no longer chained.

"I didn't" He countered. Setting down his cup, leaning forward in his seat to get a better look at her arms.

"But I certainly didn't." She reasoned. "You must have. It only makes sense, but how?"

"You sound mad." The hatter announced quite loudly. "You mustn't speak this nonsense around guests!" Gesturing to his two dead friends. "They may never come back for tea with your talk of chains!"

"I never said anything about chains." She smirked this time, angling her eyes in cockiness.

"Oh but you just did." He smiled his crazed smile, throwing his arm in the air, readjusting his tall checkered top hat on his head. "What am I to do with such a crazy girl?" He tilted his head menacingly, smirking madly. Alice could have sworn the room they were in got darker; she didn't like this at all. Hatter stood up, grinning crazily at her. "I should shouldn't I? Oh but she might fight me, naughty girl, unkempt, bad, bad, bad.." He chuckled cruelly to himself, his face twisted into something terrible, as he grabbed his tea pot handled cane, walking slowly to the girl.

"What if she runs? That won't do.. won't do at all." Another chuckle, getting closer to the girl. Her eyes widened slightly, though she tried to look brave, she's dealt with things more terrible than him, but just the way he was looking at her. He slammed his cane on the table, and hard. "Oh! But she can't." Alice could feel her wrists hurting once again. Alice whimpered slightly as her wrists began to sting, glaring down at them once again, the chains. "Oh dear.." she muttered to herself. Looking back up at the tall creature making its way towards her. "In the words of the Mock turtle," Hatter began.

"Will you.." He smiled, and took another step. The room was defiantly growing darker as he advanced towards her. "Won't you.." His eyes were filled with something she couldn't place, something she's never personally seen towards herself. "Will you.." His voice had amusement behind it, "Won't you.." He was towering over her now, leaning down, at an uncomfortable distance to the females frightened face. "Won't you join the dance?" A sick mad cackle escaped his grinning lips.

Alice couldn't hold back the shock in her face at how close he was, slight forced disgust. In all truth, she wasn't but she wasn't going to let him know that. "But the snail replied "too far! Too far!" and gave a look askance, said he thanked the Whiting kindly, but he _would not_ join the dance." Alice replied.

The hatter hadn't expected that, but was prepared none the less. Pressing his oversized nose to her own and growled. "You _really _have no notion how _delightful _it would be! When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out to sea!" His gloved hands clenched in fists. Alice couldn't help but wonder if there was deeper meaning in these words that the Hatter was implying, instead of just the simple Lobster Quadrille. Like he was implying..

"What _matters _it how _far we go_?" The hatter continued. "His scaly friend replied, "There is another shore you know, upon the other side! The further off from England, the nearer it is to France!"

"Then turn not pale, beloved snail." Alice said cautiously, to the Hatters up-most delight. Leaning back, and holding out his gloved hand to her.

"But _come _and _join_ the dance." He finished at last. The pain was gone once again, and she couldn't figure out why she was continuously shackled and unshackled. She wasn't going anywhere, and if she did run, where could she have gone? But with the Hatters long legs, he could catch her before she even had a head start. Raising her black gloved hand, she accepted his, very carefully.

Yanking her from her seat, he pulled her to her feet. Alice didn't think much of it, as the taller man danced with her, spinning her small form about. She thought of his words, and how he emphasized certain ones, she couldn't tell if it was just him being mad, or if there was something he was trying to point out. Did it really matter? Well everything mattered here apparently; you had to be cautious of what you said, for if something made actual sense it was terribly frowned upon.

"Oh Alice give some more enthusiasm when you dance, you look terribly confused you wretched girl." He said, with a smile still plastered on his face. She ignored the insult and rolled her large green eyes. "Why would I dance? For your pleasure?" She recoiled.

"No." He grinned. "For yours."

Again, Alice didn't quite understand. Maybe there was something he meant, by those words, she didn't really want to know exactly what, but her curiosity denied her any chance of not finding it out. "For my own?" She questioned in mid spin.

"Indeed." Was all he said, concentrating on his hands and how to get her to spin either faster or slower. Messing around with the speeds and distances he can keep between himself and the female. She hesitantly took his advice, and helped with the spinning, gaining a laugh out of the mad man. "Oh come now Alice! You can do better than _that!" _Alice couldn't help be feel offended by this. What could he possibly know? She doubted that he had ever truly dance in his life!

"_like an untarnished bit of metal that sticks in your eye!" _The Hatter declared quite happily if Alice were to say so herself. She wouldn't, but if she had to, she would. The Hatter almost clapped his hands in pure joy when Alice _tried_ to dance, helping him mildly with his spinning, moving her heavily clothed hips. The Mad Hatter began humming some random tune, in light of these wondrous events. Alice became terribly dizzy, and stumbled on her feet, falling against the taller creature, which panicked.

"Oh! I've _killed_ her! Call the Queen! _SHE'S LATE FOR TEA!_" With his leg, he kicked the materials off of the table, glass shattered, and metal objects clanked as they hit the floor, picking up Alice and slamming her on, frantically looking through tea cups and kettles, as if something he might find in them will help. Alice sat up, but was forced back down with a strong mechanical hand. "No! You stay _dead _until I can fix you!" The hatter snapped at her, continuing his search through everything he could get his hands on. Once he was sure there was nothing, he placed his hand hard on her face. "Subject is cold." He stated grimly.

"I'm always cold." Alice muttered, crossing her arms.

"Shut up! The deceased don't talk!"

Alice silenced herself. This was stupid and she knew it, but she didn't have the upper hand here, he did. She knew that as well, so instead of resisting him, she played along. He'd get bored eventually.

He checked for a pulse, felt her cheeks, and listened to her heart beat. He'd convinced himself she was dead, he felt sorrow. What to do? Then it hit him! What hadn't he done yet?

"CPR!" He shouted, holding a fist in the air. Alice's expression was a mix between Horror, shock, and dreadful confusion when the man slammed his lips on her own. They were chapped and slightly moist from all the tea he drank, tasting the same way. He breathed into her mouth, forcing her lungs to expand slightly, then he stopped. His lips were still pressed against her own, but his eyes were open. Alice wasn't sure why, but he was staring at her. Examining her.

Taking his mouth away from hers, his face twisted in confusion, looking down at the girl. Alice didn't notice the position she was in, The man had his knees resting on either side of the female, hovering over her. "Girl! Why is your face red? Too much air?" He asked, his eyes roaming her face curiously.

Alice didn't realize she was blushing, quickly snapping her hands to her face, she tried to cover it. "I don't know what you're talking about." She denied.

He reached out his long arms, and grabbed her hands away from her face. "Stop that," He demanded. Once he released them, they went back to her face, grabbing them once more, he pulled them over her head with one hand. "I demand to know what's going on with your face!" He shouted. "Are you dying again? That simply won't do!" Slamming his face on hers once more.

Alice pulled away this time. "You're mad!" She shouted, "You've no idea what you're doing!" Her voice accusing. He laughed, "You've no idea what you're talking about, stupid girl! I am saving your life!" The hatter persisted, "You'll thank me later." This time she held up no resistance, and he forgot what he was doing. Releasing his mouth from hers, chuckling nervously. "Child.. Could you do it instead? I've forgotten how. "Alice sighed annoyed. "If this were serious, I'd be dead right now!" For some odd reason, she thought this was probably the most offensive thing he's done all day.

"Oh come now, stupid girl." He smirked. "You know how to breath, correct?"

"I know, but do you?"

He took in a deep breath and held it. Letting it out when it began to hurt his lungs. "Yep."

"You idiot!" Alice huffed, "Get off of me." She demanded.

"No! It's your turn!" He pushed, his hand tightened around her wrist.

"You're a child!" She snapped at him, but he ignored her. "Just do it."

Sighing, she moved her face upward, capturing his lips in her own. She tried to push air in but couldn't, his mouth was closed, pushing her tongue against his lips, telling him he needed to open them. He nodded slightly, letting her know he understood. Opening them, she breathed in with everything she had. The last thing she expected was to feel something wet enter her mouth. Opening her eyes wide, locking her eyes with his closed one's.

Trying to fight back to the warm sensation that was seemingly eating her alive, she bit it, tried to spit it out, tried pulling away. Nothing was working, as he tasted the inside of her mouth, savoring every little flavor. Him, himself, tasted of warm tea, and cakes. Sliding his tongue around her sharp teeth, not caring if they caused him pain. Readjusting himself, he released her arms and grabbed something much more to his liking, wrapping his fingers in her hair, forcing her face harder on his own, she didn't fight it, melting into the kiss, not of her own accord, of course, not wanting it at all, but her body said otherwise, leaning in.

There was the slight taste of metal, and copper on his tongue that she couldn't deny, that was pleasant. She reached her arms up and held the back of his head with her hands, making the hat fall off his head and onto the table side, beside them. He arched his back so he could have his head properly on hers, hovering over her form, he laid her back onto the cool surface. Pulling away for a moment to catch their breaths, small strings of silvery saliva clung to their lips, before they closed the space once again.

Locking their lips more passionately, and hungrily, before parting once again, gasping in breaths. The Hatter looked down at her and smiled, "Couldn't have done it better myself.. maybe, Figs makes perfect you know." He stated, climbing off the table. "Or was it pigs made perfect?" Alice couldn't help but giggle. "Hatter you twit," she smiled. "It was practice."

"I knew that." He glared at her, crossing his arms. "Don't insult my intellectualness!"

"Then why is a Raven like a Writing desk?" Alice asked, sitting up, and sliding off the table.

The Hatter paused, staring at her dumbly, before giving her a frustrated look. "You ought to keep your mouth shut, stupid girl."

Alice wanted to laugh at the Irony of it. But instead shrugged and went back to her seat, just like he already had. Picking up her cold cup of tea, she sipped, smiling to herself. She'd have to remember to die more often when she visited.

**My first American McGee's Alice fanfiction, and my first Hatter x Alice.. well ever. :D Please don't kill me, I know it's bad. I realize that it may be repetitive with words and whatnot, and they may seem slightly out of character with the constant confusion and glaring. But I still hope it is Eskimo Approved. Enjoy :3 !Oneshot!**


End file.
